Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
