you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
