So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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