She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
