weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
