I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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