Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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