My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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