I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
