Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
