I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
