I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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