She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
