Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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