you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
