i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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