If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
