Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
whose ass print is on the piano?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
