my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
