I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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