You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
