He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Come see our sink grown plant.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
