My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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