its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
