Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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