so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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