He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
