But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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