You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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