i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
