dude i'm inner monologue high
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
