I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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