i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
