sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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