Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it glows. i had to have it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
