you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
