bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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