A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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