Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
