I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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