I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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