Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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