thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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