John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
