Don't you send me to vm
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
