all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
