I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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