you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
