I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
