you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
