i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
