Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
